Sarge.

(Knacker Wagon Chronicles - II)


There was nothing but fields on other side of the road extending as far as he could see. An occasional tree broke up the monotony. Baye wondered what Pudgi was talking about. Some guy, Sarge, was on his way with a knacker wagon. He envisioned some farmer leading a two-wheeled horse-drawn cart with a dead cow onboard. Baye scanned the fields and saw nothing but sky and dirt. Gentle breezes reminded him of the two halves of deer across the road.
"See, I told you!", squealed Pudgi. Baye figured it didn't take much to get Pudgi excited. His rotund form was bouncing up and down in the middle of the gravel road. Baye casually turned his head to look where Pudgi was pointing. What was headed toward them wasn't exactly a marvel of the 19th century.

Whacka - whacka - boom - boom.

A conversion van was grinding up the gravel road, huge plumes of dust trailing behind.

Whacka - whacka - boom - boom.

Deep bass notes with an indistinct treble overlay were clearly emanating from the vehicle. The van was moving at high rate of speed, fast enough to make a by-gone farmer jealous. Baye thought that, maybe, if the van careened along fast enough, it could clip the still vertically jostling Pudgi and he could be soon rid of Pudgi and all of Pudgi's 'friends'.

Whacka - whacka - boom - boom.

As the van neared it slowed to a halt. So much for postive thinking, thought Baye. The bass was strong enough to vibrate his chest cavity. The treble was articulate enough to carry its 70's-funk theme music. "What the...", uttered Baye. He couldn't see through the front tinted windshield. Nor could he help the spreading smirk on his face. Bet there's some fuzzy dice hanging from the rear view mirror, he thought.

The driver's side door opened a man hopped out. Dust obscured his figure until he strode past the spreading swirls. Baye had never seen someone so chiseled. The dudes arms were like steel rods. Even the lines on his face appeared to fall into formation. Feeling stupid, Baye lost his smirk and made quick motions to stand up. He noticed Pudgi had already come to attention.

"Pudgi, how's the newbie", growled the man.
"He's okay, Sarge. See, he moved the deer to the side. But, oh, I forget...something else..."
"Name's Baye?", Sarge directed to Baye.
"Yes, sir" answered Baye.
"I see you're not a moron. That's good. Get in the van, we're going."
"Uh, sir, whoa, wait a minute..." pleaded Baye. "I'm not, uhhh...." Sarge fixed a glare on Baye but said nothing. "Uhhhh", was all Baye could manage. With a steady glare on Baye, Sarge pulled a metal spoon out of his pocket and flipped it to Pudgi.

"YESSS!!!" yelled Pudgi, as he caught it and ran to the deer. Baye tried to return a look at Sarge but found himself casting his eyes anywhere but on Sarge's face. After a few uncomfortable moments Pudgi came scampering back. He handed a couple things over to Sarge. Baye noticed Pudgi had large dark stains on the front of his trousers.

"Baye, pay attention", said Sarge. Baye saw that Sarge was holding an eyeball between his thumb and forefinger. Disgust spread across Baye's face. "Baye, this is your manhood." Sarge squeezed the eyeball. "Baye, this is what I think of your manhood." Sarge tossed the squished matter to the ground. To Baye's horror, Pudgi dove after the eye, popping it into his mouth. "Pudgi, you're still a moron", said Sarge, non-chalantly.

Baye found himself moving toward the van. The bass still reverberating his chest. "Cheer up, Baye" said Sarge, "we're on the road to Nowhere." Baye saw a couple people he hadn't notice before dragging the deer halves to the back of the van. As he climbed into the side door, he saw a pair of fuzzy dice on the rear-view mirror. He also saw the smaller pairs of fuzzy dice hanging off the larger pair.